


...oh.

by erudipitous



Series: three times they kissed (and one time they didn't) [1]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: "you mean... sexual attraction actually exists????", Asexual Character, F/F, First Kiss, Unrequited Crush, and esme weatherwax realizing she's aroace, esmerelda weatherwax is the most aroace character I've read in my life yall, look this is gytha ogg realizing she likes girls, past ridcully/esme weatherwax, tbh it's not really romantic shipping, young esmerelda weatherwax, young gytha ogg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-06 00:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18839854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erudipitous/pseuds/erudipitous
Summary: Young Esme doesn't get why people like kissing. Gytha offers to show her. It doesn't go the way either of them expect.





	...oh.

"I don't know what you see in him, Gytha," Esme said dismissively. "I've never understood why you spend so much time chasing boys." 

The two girls trudged through the woods, each carrying a basket. Their respective mentors had sent them to gather herbs together. _It's a lovely day, go do something with that Esme girl, gathering herbs or sommat. You two ought to work out your differences,_ Biddy Spective had suggested in a tone that made it an order. Doubtless Esme had been similarly ordered, or she would never have agreed to come.

"Well, of course _you_ don't," Gytha replied snidely, tossing her hair and leaning down to pick some mugwort. "I bet you haven't even kissed one."

Esme Weatherwax, in Gytha's opinion, had her head so far stuck up her ass that it would be astonishing if she ever willingly exchanged two words with a boy outside of witch business. And if she had, Gytha would know. Gossip of that sort never got far without reaching Gytha’s ears. True, Esme had been walking out with Mustrum Ridcully last summer, but she was much better at running than Gytha. Ridcully had seemed quite discouraged when he’d left for Ankh-Morpork at the end of the summer.  

Esme turned to face Gytha, eyes narrowed. "I have."

Gytha stared at her, mouth agape. "What? Who?"

Esme ignored her, lifting her chin mulishly. "Didn't think much of it.”

“Was it Mustrum Ridcully?”

“I don't see why people make such a fuss about mashing their mouths together,” she continued dismissively, not answering the question, “it's wet and messy and there ain't much to recommend it."

The younger witch eyed her speculatively. She didn't like Esme. Esme was arrogant and selfish in the way that mountains were tall, which was a good survival trait for a witch, but Gytha had always thought she could at least be less nasty about it. And, she was pretty sure, Esme didn't like her either. To be fair, Esme didn't much like anyone, but she especially didn't like Gytha, who got on with people and enjoyed life to the fullest and was everything she was not. Gytha thought Esme was unbearably prudish. Esme thought of Gytha in terms not fit for polite company.

Perhaps there was a reason behind Esme's reticence, Gytha realized with amusement. "Maybe you just haven't been kissed by the right person. I heard some girls like kissing girls better than boys. Maybe that's your problem, you've been kissing boys when you ought to be kissing girls."

Gytha expected Esme to recoil from that comment, but she simply raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so, but I ain't exactly tested it."

Gytha thought for a moment, then grinned internally. She turned her head to look up at the taller girl through lowered lashes, simpering. "I won't tell if you don't," she offered coyly.

"Gytha Ogg, are you offering to kiss me?" Esme demanded incredulously, stopping in her tracks.

"Why not?" Gytha replied, a twinkle in her eye. "I ain't never kissed a girl neither, always wanted to give it a try."

She expected Esme to refuse, but she was surprised a second time.

"If you tell anyone I'll turn you into something awful," she said, icy eyes narrowed.

"You could _try_ ," Gytha answered, but there was no bite to it. "Don't worry, I can keep a secret."

Esme nodded, and for a moment, Gytha thought she caught a hint of uncertainty in the older girl's face. Then it was gone. "So, how does this work?"

Gytha leaned forward and kissed her.

 

Gytha had lots of practice kissing. She had discovered early on that it was a fun way to pass the time - she enjoyed the warm, fizzing feeling, the way she could make boys forget how to speak, the way her body could work its charms while her mind stayed safely tucked away, observing everything from a distance.

This was not like that. Gone was her careful distance and tight-laced control. This kiss shook Gytha down to her bones.

 Boys were for fun, she decided, and girls were for serious things. _Esme_ was for serious things, Esme was impossible to take lightly. Kissing boys was all fun and games. Kissing Esme was like kissing lightning.

 

She rather liked Gytha, Esme realized crossly. Not that she would ever admit it, but the younger girl was a good witch, for all that she frittered away her time on boys and parties. Not as good a witch as Esme, of course, but Gytha did have one advantage: people liked her.

Esme had agreed to this test out of curiosity, because she couldn't stand not knowing something. She had allowed Mustrum Ridcully to kiss her last summer, and while it wasn't a horribly unpleasant experience, she still didn't see what all the fuss was about. But Gytha certainly seemed to know what she was about, when it came to kissing. Mustrum wasn't very experienced, after all, maybe that would make the difference.

 

It was better, this time. Gytha _was_ more experienced, cupped her face with practiced gentleness, pressed soft lips to Esme's. This wasn't bad. Not so wet and clammy.

Then a warm tongue pressed against her lips. She cautiously allowed it entrance, cringing a little at the alien wetness, and wondered what was supposed to be pleasant about mashing lips and tongues together. She decided she shouldn't just stand there passively, so she began mirroring Gytha's movements, not knowing where else to start, and from the other girl's reactions she must have been doing something right.

 

That was when it truly struck Esme that she was different. If the same motions, more clumsily executed, could generate such an obvious reaction from other people, her own lack of response must be a personal deficit. Gytha was clearly getting something out of this that Esme was not. Mustrum had been the same way. And _their_ response was the normal one.

It explained a lot, in retrospect. Esme had noticed, after all, when the other girls her age started to giggle and blush around boys. And sometimes, a girl and a boy would go "gathering nuts" or some such, and they tended to return with awfully few nuts and very mussed clothing, and a marriage would usually follow.

Esme thought of marriage as an onerous duty, and was baffled at how eagerly some girls sought it out. Fortunately for Esme, witches didn't marry, as a rule - and it frustrated and bewildered her to no end the way Gytha seemed determined to break that rule. But if most people actually _liked_ kissing and romance and marriage… that would explain a lot.

 

She pulled away.

Esme's face was unreadable. "Well?" Gytha asked breathlessly.

"At least your mouth don't taste like onions," Esme replied.

 _Oh_ , she thought with a pang.

"Ever heard of someone not liking boys or girls?" Esme asked offhandedly. "It wasn't a bad kiss, mind you, but I think I just don't like kissing. And I _know_ I'm not interested in the other stuff."

Gytha shrugged. "To each her own," she said flippantly, burying her sinking heart too deep to show in her expression. "I never heard of anyone like that before, but that don't mean they don't exist."

Esme started walking again, striding confidently through the woods, Gytha following. "That's alright," she said. "I'm used to being different."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Wanderbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanderbird) for editing! I really enjoyed writing this fic, these are such interesting characters to write. I have some ideas for other snippets of interactions between them, so hopefully this will become a series.


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